Inside a Modern Chilcot Inquiry

"
Yugoder byudiful chiyn
You'v got biudifuul skin
You got uv biudiful faice
U got' tase
Y got biudiful iighes
Yu got byudifuUUUul thighes
"

As for me ---

should you put me to the point --- --- ---

d'you know what?
but d'you know what --- --- --- ?

I could not find it in my heart to fuck either of them.

Murderer: But, I have some... shall we say, "thighes" for you... in these bin bags.

Blogista: They're --- fresh? Not just re-warmed?

Murderer: Wouldn't know how to spell "cellophane".

Blogista: I'll take a hundredweight, but please don't tell anyone.

Kenneth Branagh and I

I am pleased to note (toujours la politesse) that Kenneth Braghaghas (TV's Wallander) has salt'n'pepper hair (not quite grey yet), bags under his eyes, no tie, hasn't shaved, scarcely ironed shirt, rumply navy-blue suit, can't walk on water and a there's a bit of a tummy if you look closely, and is devastatingly sexy. Falls asleep on the sofa all the time.

AAND - he is two years younger than I am :-)

I'm a bit like that m'self. Only older - and better preserved.

Admittedly, he is not a talentless alcoholic - and he probably doesn't have wrinkles on his bags. He won't be eating Polish sausage and baked beans tonite but some posh sort of dinner, probably with salad too. Also his suit must have cost more, you can tell because it isn't a shapeless sack'o'serge, and the shoulders are sharp. He may not be temping right at this moment, y'know doing all filing and stuff, all those invoices in the cardboard boxes in the big cupboard, actually it is more of a room than an actual cupboard. There aren't any cups or boards in it so I'm not sure why anybody calls it a cupboard :-}

But otherwise I - and he's acting as well. Bastard.

Good Cheer!

Wishing a Merry Boxing Day to all our readers!

And a Happy and Prosperous New Sputnik Fall! May the sky not fall on your head!

No scaffolding poles, grand pianos, ice-blocks from passing aircraft, the aforesaid aircraft themselves, batteries or any other sub-thermospheric item or items whatsoever either singularly or severally is or are included in this offer.

Sputnik 1 fell to Earth on January 4th, so anything could happen in the next 8 days. Sorry about that.

Anal Intercourse Reconsidered

I have kicked about this planet for over half a century - I am approaching my 52nd year - and I cannot honestly say that I see any much point in anal intercourse*.

Other insights to follow when, and - or if - I have any.



*[edit] I should have added - "any more". I was in my green days an aficionado.

Goodwill to All Men

This year I am not in a " festive" mood.

Quite the opposite in fact.

War

This is totally warry.

Strange

Snob.

I















...but that's enough about me.

Selling a russian-language artsy-voguesy hypheny-hypheny phoo phoo magazine in a box for £4.50 out of W H Smiths at Charing Cross Station is blackholeuarly way more fuck off than poor Jeremy Clarkson's pitiful doing puddles on your carpet. Using Cyrillic script as a marketing tool is... BUY THINGS YOU DON'T UNNERSTAN'

Which is hem hem th'zeitgeist innit no.

Yes I bought one but I know how to deal with substances. Also emanations - free tip here, if you are approached by an ectoplasm just hit it with your walking stick and watch it unfurl or snap back into the groin of the emanator. I have much wisdom but I can't afford to give everything away for free I am a poor man too, and if you won't pay for advice you won't act on it.