Monday, 21 April 2014

Another 55 for the Chertiozhnik Death List

 A needy attention-seeking twat pictured today.

Sir Terry Pratchett is excused on the grounds of being a genius and writing books that have much amused your Leader-in-Waiting (see my autobiography "Chertiozhnik, the Wilderness Years: Yes, All Fifty-Six of Them").

But the rest... are the other signatories to this letter in the Daily Telegraph where they argue that they are sooo noteworthy that they really ought to be on some sort of list or other. Well, now they are muahahahaha.

Professor Jim Al-Khalil
Philip Pullman
Tim Minchin
Dr Simon Singh
Ken Follett
Dr Adam Rutherford
Sir John Sulston
Sir David Smith
Professor Jonathan Glover
Professor Anthony Grayling
Nick Ross
Virginia Ironside
Professor Steven Rose
Natalie Haynes
Peter Tatchell
Professor Raymond Tallis
Dr Iolo ap Gwynn
Stephen Volk
Professor Steve Jones
Sir Terry Pratchett
Dr Evan Harris
Dr Richard Bartle
Sian Berry
C J De Mooi
Professor John A Lee
Professor Richard Norman
Zoe Margolis
Joan Smith
Michael Gore
Derek McAuley
Lorraine Barratt
Dr Susan Blackmore
Dr Harry Stopes-Roe
Sir Geoffrey Bindman QC
Adele Anderson
Dr Helena Cronin
Professor Alice Roberts
Professor Chris French
Sir Tom Blundell
Maureen Duffy
Baroness Whitaker
Lord Avebury
Richard Herring
Martin Rowson
Tony Hawks
Peter Cave
Diane Munday
Professor Norman MacLean
Professor Sir Harold Kroto
Sir Richard Dalton
Sir David Blatherwick
Michael Rubenstein
Polly Toynbee
Lord O'Neill
Dr Simon Singh
Dan Snow

If your heart, despite a big lift from Sir Terry, has not sunk into your boots by now... then I suggest you haven't actually read the whole list.

Ancora da capo! And no slacking this time.

Friday, 14 March 2014

Letter from Ukraina

A very difficult time for my family. We all considered themselves almost apolitical, but recent events have shown that we are wrong. We want to live in the peaceful, democratic and independent Ukraine, and it is happiness that the views of all members of our family are the same. We have very hard and terrible feeling for the occupation of the Crimea and the for possibility of occupation of Donetsk. Russia has gone mad, and, unfortunately, not only Putin. They call us fascists and Nazis, but I remember the words of Winston Churchill: "fascists of future will name themselves anti-fascists".

Sunday, 9 February 2014

Take Them Seriously

Really. They've got beards and money.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

No Retreat

No retreat. This is how you run a successful government.

Our bird sanctuaries will be the wonder of the world.

Friday, 7 February 2014

Scots 'Irretrievably Chippy'

Prodnose: I can't see why the Scots shouldn't be part of a Sterling Zone, and still be totally independent.

Self: I daresay you can't. Impossibilities are always hard to fathom.

 Prodnose: Or we could join the European Union and the Eurozone, and still be totally independent.

Self: You could do that too. Nobody anywhere else in the world would give a shit. Not even the Somalians would give a shit. And you wouldn't be independent.

Prodnose: Well that David Cameron has FAILED to have a debate IN SCOTLAND with a line-up of chippy Scotsmen and chippy Scotswomen.

Self: We have a sense of humour.

Self: And who the f would want to go to Scotland anyway.

 Self: Apart from the gnats.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

EU 'Massively Corrupt'

Prodnose: Well, who would have thought, eh.

Emblogged: Yes, th'EU turning out to be oceangoingly corrupt.

Prodnose: Who knew.

Disembloggied: Will come as a big surprise to the moron 'community'.

Prodnose: Complete shock to me.

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Whatever Happens, Don't Let The Fucker Near A


In Which We Do the Obvious

Cowpoke: Been a long time since I last posted. Three months, I reckon.

Texas Rangers: So you got something new to say or are you just posting your old favourites you already posted?

Lonely homosexual who doesn't poke cows though: Doreen Schaffer and the Skatalites...

Solitary western American who would love to have intercourse with a bovine only they're all being driven north to Wyoming or something, or maybe FROM Wyoming: And Lord Creator...

Unpartnered resident of the Lone Star State (a lie, actually Mitcham UK) who hasn't got his penis near a sentient being of any sort in three years but WLTM: Anddddd... Clancy Eccles!

Texas and Elsewhere Rangers: We love your musical choices. Intercourse..? Well, there's some cacti out there on the high chapparal who ain't going to complain. least not legally.

Saturday, 26 October 2013


“I never really get too fussed about what people think about their own intellects. I’m always happy to be in awe of someone whose own intellect delivered us the cones hotline, I must say.”

Not often I laugh these days, and a bit of an open goal. But still.