Friday, 27 February 2015

The Very Thin Red Line

The Prime Minister today announced a "tactical withdrawal" in defence spending, claiming that "this most difficult of military manoeuvres" had been carried out with "consummate skill".

"We will spending less little on Defence as a percentage of GDP than any other nation of Europe except those who are spending more. Let no-one call the British 'pussy'. Mark my words and mark them well: any aggressor, Mr Putin, can look forward to a nasty poke up the nostril like... this."

Later he unveiled the latest addition to the nation's battlefield might.

BAA Systems Integrated Systems System (United Kingdom, 2015)
Note the forward-mounted eye prod and the Breville custard pie silo over the engine hatch. Planned upgrades include the addition of an Automatic Pie Hurler which will leave the crew's hands free to operate the Squirty Flower point defence solution.

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

The Mince Pie Salesman in February

COMING SOON!!! to a blog near you

Readers: Soooooooooooon!Sooooooooooooooooooooooon!

Blogista: Yes, that'll be something to look forward to.

Readers: Oh yes, we do look forward to having something to look forward to!!!

Sunday, 15 February 2015


Gladly the cross-eyed bear...

...and I've been laughing like a drain ever since I heard it. About forty years ago that was. Bloody good value, those mondegreens.


Now back to the day job.


Vickers-Armitage Battlefield Crapper Mk I (Great Britain, 1936)
Note the forward-mounted straining handle and the Izal drum over the engine hatch. Both proved vulnerable in battle conditions and for the Mk II (1941) were fitted inside the crew compartment.

Palivec P-45 Divisional Toasted Sandwich Maker (Czechoslovakia, 1963)
A powerful turbofan power plant gave the P-45 a distinct edge over any NATO equipment then in service. However, advances in Soviet nuclear technology saw this vehicle redeploying to reserve units as early as 1965.

Monday, 19 January 2015

worse job i ever had

was being the mole in the whack a mole and i aint even finished my breakfast and the boss is tek that fing vest off and im its a cold day boss and tek that fing hat off too and then its a day like any day i put my head out the hole and they hit me with a mallet no matter what hole i guess at and after a hard day theres the stage door johnnies out the back wanting the special it really is not a good job

Thursday, 15 January 2015

Stripey Pajamas

Max Mosley clearly did not indulge in erm... any fantasy to do with any extermination camp, fictional or otherwise.

And is clearly not a Nazi, fantasist or otherwise, or otherwise.

No, REALLY NOT, and Google's removal of


Saturday, 10 January 2015

Daddy Wouldn't Buy Me a Tarnhelm

Blogberich: I went and renounced Love the other day.

Readers: What you get?



Blogberich: Not even a hat.

Readers: What, like Kiss Me Quick like you used to.

Blogberich: No, you don't even get a hat nowadays, apparently.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

Ohh I Feel So Oooold

Sir Dave Attenboro sounding off about Glooobal Warning here:

"Never in the history of humanity in the last 10 million years have all human beings got together to face one danger that threatens us - never."

Well, you might push back the clock to the earliest hominids around 7 million years ago, australopithecines say 4 million years ago, Homo habilis about 2.3 million years ago, Homo sapiens 200,000 years ago... but 10 million?

And for how long have all human beings had the capacity to get together for any reason at all? A few hundred years? A century or two?

Smallpox, anyone?


Pen Mightier Than Sword &c

No it isn't.

Sunday, 4 January 2015

Let's Play 'Spot the Difference'

Between the Conservatives' "Road to Recovery" poster

and this, an iStock/Getty Images picture taken by one Alexander Burzik near Weimar

This photograph of specimen morons, on the other hand, does not resemble a road in Weimar

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

A Pareidolic Christmas to One and All

Readers: Oh my, it's those Ancient Egyptians at th'Temple of Seti I at Abydos a-and they got attack helicopters an' fighter-bombers an' underwater killer boats a-and
                                                  an eight-legged bee
                                                                                   from th'Astronaut Gods!

Blogaeologist: Worry not, my little pals, is probably the names of Seti I and Ramasses II, one cut over the other, or a similar SNAFU. Just pareidolia, that's all.

Pareidolia: perceiving the distinct and meaningful in obscure or random stimuli.

Readers: Phew. That explains it. Th'eight-legged bee, f'rinstance...

Blogagogue: Try this one...