Thursday, 30 April 2009

Insufficient Sweetie

Sock Drawer

: So you see, Watson, that our subject was most unlikely to have hidden the thing in his sock drawer.

Watson: And underpants. In straitened circumstances many a gentleman has been forced to store sock and underpant in the same receptacle.

Holes: Indeed, but is it beyond a criminal mastermind who knew his housekeeper to be in the service of the Authorities to hide it in a place where he knew no woman would look? Not in but under the laundry basket?

Watso: I am not sure I follow your reasoning.

Hoes: You observe that the sign at the window reads "SMOKING" backwards. And yet you are not blowing at your pipe, which might have the effect of setting afire the entire railway compartment, but rather sucking at it in the usual fashion.

Wato: So that is why you are travelling with a portable miniature lavatory seat?

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Serfdom Explained

G Brown: It's exactly like Socialism. Only it's spelt S E R F D O M.

Readers: So we all get to wear fancy hats an' tights an' stuff.

G Brown: No.

On The Beach

Subject: Jvery beautiful girlie having ssex with a horsec
From: Quinton Tackett

call two no avail

pain is an encounter with the real alexis.
vernacularism unsoundtrack

Oh Quinton my dear and only friend. As long as a jvery beautifuk girlie is having ssex with a horsec then there is hope for the world, or at least for the horsecs.

You have "call two no avail". Stick with the horsecs, really, the vails just von't.

The gradual disappearance of Spam is one of the more unnoticed and maybe even nothappening effects of the World DepRecEssion: value these little communications while there are still people who can afford to transmit them.

Monday, 27 April 2009

Pointless but Painless

Petitioning to be rid of Mr. G. Brown (illustrated) is an entirely futile but still heart-warming gesture and if every voter in the country would only do so it would - - -

What did you do in the War, Dad?

Son, I just pushed a button.

Now a few decades ago those words would have meant something.

Spot th'Difference

Not many other bloggers can be bothered to illustrate the comments they have received to a previous post.

Mostly they just keep on trolling for more.

It would only try the patience of my readers to mention his English cousin Duncan Doenitz who operated a flotilla of pedalos out of Saltdean Lido in the 'tween-war years. Or Coustarde Doenitz, whose trips-round-the-submarine business collapsed when French submariners proved unwilling to come nearer to Boulogne than Oran or failing that Cam Ranh Bay. Or Fröstet Dönitz.