Sunday, 31 January 2010

Inside a Modern Chilcot Inquiry

Yugoder byudiful chiyn
You'v got biudifuul skin
You got uv biudiful faice
U got' tase
Y got biudiful iighes
Yu got byudifuUUUul thighes

As for me ---

should you put me to the point --- --- ---

d'you know what?
but d'you know what
--- --- --- ?

I could not find it in my heart to fuck either of them

Murderer: But, I have some... shall we say, "thighes" for you... in these bin bags.

Blogista: They're --- fresh? Not just re-warmed?

Murderer: Wouldn't know how to spell "cellophane".

Blogista: I'll take a hundredweight, but please don't tell anyone.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Kenneth Branagh and I

I am pleased to note (toujours la politesse) that Kenneth Braghaghas (TV's Wallander) has salt'n'pepper hair (not quite grey yet), bags under his eyes, no tie, hasn't shaved, scarcely ironed shirt, rumply navy-blue suit, can't walk on water and a there's a bit of a tummy if you look closely, and is devastatingly sexy. Falls asleep on the sofa all the time.

AAND - he is two years younger than I am :-)

I'm a bit like that m'self. Only older - and better preserved.

Admittedly, he is not a talentless alcoholic - and he probably doesn't have wrinkles on his bags. He won't be eating Polish sausage and baked beans tonite but some posh sort of dinner, probably with salad too. Also his suit must have cost more, you can tell because it isn't a shapeless sack'o'serge, and the shoulders are sharp. He may not be temping right at this moment, y'know doing all filing and stuff, all those invoices in the cardboard boxes in the big cupboard, actually it is more of a room than an actual cupboard. There aren't any cups or boards in it so I'm not sure why anybody calls it a cupboard :-}

But otherwise I - and he's acting as well. Bastard.