Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Syria: the Strategy

Bombing Syria would be the most awesomely beezer jape imaginable...

...and a jape without any possible unforeseen or unintended consequences.

Well, that's me convinced, eh, readers.

Monday, 26 August 2013

Carry On Cro-Magnoning

Oh I say, there's one of those dreadful Neanderthal girls. All hairy and smelly and they have those vulgarly big bottoms.

My dear, let's get onto the open savannah and take anything homo sapiens sapiens we can surprise, and out-run it  from behind.


Here's the science!

The savannah again? Don't we British ever get to have sexual intercourse?

I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received and consequently this country is at war with Germany.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Thinking Allowed, with Admiral Karl Doenitz

Zadly ze Laurie Taylor hes bin zhot vhile attemptink not to ezcape, zo gut rittance  es ein former head of ztate I haff been esked  to ztand in for ze Radio 4 Sinking Allowed. 

Zo, all ze tramas on ze BBC Radio 4, zey gotta have ze zenzitive moments, ja?

Vell, not ze vones that are forty-vive minutes to vone hour or more of ze continual bellowink, but zat is only von in sree or zo.

Zo vy is ze zenzitive incidental muzik OLVAYS ze Arvo Pärt "Spiegel im Spiegel"? Even in "Pride and Prejudice" is "Spiegel im Speigel"!!! All ze characters haff been dead for zenturies, but is "Spiegel im Spiegel"!!!

Zadly ze  Roger Bolton hes bin zhot vhile attemptink not to escape, zo gut rittance  es ein former head of ztate I haff been esked  to ztand in for ze Radio 4 Feetbeck.

Zere vill vizout doubt be zome comment on ze Arvo Pärt "Spiegel im Spiegel".

Friday, 16 August 2013

Shipping Forecast

Portcullis: west or north-west, four or five, backing south-west five to seven, moderate or good. Seventeen or some other number I can throw in to frighten everybody. Thirty-five. Occasionally very poor.
Reader(s): Thirty-five eh. That will have some of your listeners sucking anxiously at their pipes and

Foreblogster: Sorry, did I say thirty-five? I meant eighty-six.

Redars(e): EIGHTY-SIX??? You're just deliberately fucking them over.

Broadblogster:  Very poor forever. Nine hundred and forty-one.

Dreare(s): Stop doing this.

Blog of Ages: What.

Adeerr(s): Doing these pretend conversations and changing all the names every time and calling us a redars(e) because it has the same letters and trying to think of some new and pretentious way of working the word "blog" into your handle and generally not doing a solid and sensible piece of prose like you can read in the Daily Mail for instance instead of a fake shipping forecast and

For Those in Peril on the Blog: Hm. You may have a point.

 (s)rreedA: *sigh*

Admiral Doenitz: *facepalm*