Teach Yourself Yourself

What Are Cro-Magnons For We Ask

K 4 4 u ---

1) After 40000 years we have created a cartoon singing hippo and a cartoon dog that has some smoov moovs #### lk @ is bom.

2)

3) "Cro-Magnon", wtf does that mean? I could be "Cro-Modern" or maybe "ironically post-Magnon"?

4) The Neanderthals never achieved this because they sucked. And died. And in the morning you're just another hit'n'run.

Linky here. Or just search on YouTube for "Singing Hippo", and don't ask me why I did.

5) Wallace'n'Gromit rip-offs but with defective lip-synch. And there was I saying there were only 4).

Spam

Alien #6044: /this just in/

Alien Supreme Commander: /why you risk death by show spam/

Alien #541: /spam negative: recover from puny interstellar craft/

Alien Supreme Commander: /hm right upper appendage on left entity appear larger than brainsprout and left upper appendage/

Alien #666: /report: appear to be artefacts of poor engraving technique/

Alien Supreme Commander: /also: to left entity inconsequential organ of geniture/

Alien #7: /and to right entity unaccountably shaven pussy: as reconstitutes will be like performing cunnilingus upon shoebrush/

Alien Supreme Commander: /negative artefacts of poor engraving technique: positive contempt of species for urgent communications regarding increased penis size, hairy milfs &c , also they never got in touch with my Uncle Rastus in Nigeria about the $250,000,000 he needed to ship out of there using one of their bank accounts/

Alien #1001: /observe exaggerated trapezius: species unable to wear collar and tie/

All Aliens: /ewwwwww/

Theory of Evolution

"Without those new Cambrian genes, we might still be like the lancelets, our tiny brainless heads still swaying in the tides."*

Readers:

Blogista:

Readers:

Blogista:

Readers: New Cambrian genes. Lucky old us, eh.

* "evolution", Carl Zimmer, Arrow Books 2003.
Readers: Wha?
Blogista: Page 147.
Readers:
Blogista: Page 147 end of paragraph 3.
Readers:
Blogista Nooo about 20 mm lower than that. See?

Ballade des dames de temps jadis

Dictes moy ou, n'en quel pays,
Est Flora la belle Rommaine,
Archipiades ne Thaïs,
Qui fut sa cousine germaine,
Echo parlant quant bruyt on maine
Dessus riviere ou sus estan,
Qui beaulté ot trop plus q'humaine.
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?

Ou est la tres sage Helloïs,
Pour qui chastré fut et puis moyne
Pierre Esbaillart a Saint Denis?
Pour son amour ot ceste essoyne.
Semblablement, ou est la royne
Qui commanda que Buridan
Fust geté en ung sac en Saine?
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?

La royne Blanche comme lis
Qui chantoit a voix de seraine,
Berte au grand pié, Beatris, Alis,
Haremburgis qui tint le Maine,
Et Jehanne la bonne Lorraine
Qu'Englois brulerent a Rouan;
Ou sont ilz, ou, Vierge souvraine?
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?

Prince, n'enquerez de sepmaine
Ou elles sont, ne de cest an,
Qu'a ce reffrain ne vous remaine:
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?

Francois Villon 1461-ish

The Hound of the Whatever

Watson: Holmes, you got writing all over your hat.

Holmes: Writing?

Watson: Yes... SELLIVREKSAB eht fo dnouH ehT... what on earth can that mean?

Holmes: Would your real name be... Eel?

Watson: Yes, I admit. Real name Eel. Am native by Latvia.

Holmes: Then we are about to be pounced upon, Watson, by an extraordinarily small lion. I will keep my hat on. You will have to fend for yourself.

Dead Cat Bounce