The Prime Minister today announced a "tactical withdrawal" in defence spending, claiming that "this most difficult of military manoeuvres" had been carried out with "consummate skill".
"We will spending less little on Defence as a percentage of GDP than any other nation of Europe except those who are spending more. Let no-one call the British 'pussy'. Mark my words and mark them well: any aggressor, Mr Putin, can look forward to a nasty poke up the nostril like... this."
Later he unveiled the latest addition to the nation's battlefield might.
BAA Systems Integrated Systems System (United Kingdom, 2015)
Note the forward-mounted eye prod and the Breville custard pie silo over the engine hatch. Planned upgrades include the addition of an Automatic Pie Hurler which will leave the crew's hands free to operate the Squirty Flower point defence solution.