Here's a bit of a competition fo' y'all.
Readers: Woo-woo! What are th'prizes?
Prizes? Were you born yesterday or what.
Anyhows, the point of this here Competition is to decide who done the best "Green Green Grass of Home".
#1~ Could it be ~ your starter for 10 ~ George Jones --- or Jerry Lee Lewis?
Hokay. If you picked Jerry Lee Lewis then your concept of a "musical instrument" must be pohaps a lift (American: elevator) or a mall (British: shopping centre). Clue: neither of these are a musical instrument. Well they weren't in my day.
Couple of textual subtleties before I feed you the raw meat...
"The old home place is still standing though the paint is cracked and dry" - but maybe only in the protagonist's imagination? Discuss.
"For there's a guard and there's a sad old padre with arm in arm will walk |at daybreak" - you were wanting to hear "|beside me" to rhyme with "padre"? Deny.
On with the Competition...
#2~ Great guitar-picker, but where is Chet Atkins going with this?
#3 Porter Waggoner - love the mellophones or whatever they are:
#4 Boris Godunov (no, not that Борис Годунов) and his "set old badre", and then the Sov U went and folded and all. Shit.
#5 Elvis. Wellll... bit like Frank Sinatra singing "Diamond Dogs" but there y'go.
Let's take a quick break from this exciting competition to consider a few Facts:
1) Soup does not figure in any ancient text or mythology, and it was not a factor in the Renaissance: it is largely a modern or post-industrial concept.
2) The bite of Conscience, or 'agenbite of inwit' -as imagined by some Medieval thinkers - has proved not to be a 'bite' at all - it is more like being gummed or sucked.
3) The Chinese have never had a reliable postal system. You can put a 'tagged' dried duck into the Chinese postal system, and years later a Californian post-doctorate student will tell you where it actually got to.
On with the Competition...
#6 Tom Jones - young ladies still throw their panties at this Welsh Wabinogion when he sings, so there's hope for us all. Maybe $35 per used pant (no worries logistically, I got connections a website and a clothes-basket) and say four gigs a week at fifteen young ladies a stand, we're looking at erm well you do the math, I am the talent not the accountant.
#7 Has to be Piet and Tonny Kamper
And before you object that this is "Wimoweh" and not whatever it was we were doing,I say, they are troupers and I love them and...
#8 and it is the real Tom Jones and you can see how wonderful Swansea is at high speed or maybe that was Cardiff, or somewhere near Wales. God I am getting old and tired. I am sorry for my Life.
#9 Little Joanie Baez adds a touch of class and folk insouciance to this otherwise miserable and muddy struggle for survival
#10 Nice hat but has no idea what self-pity is about, also he gives the ending away. Hm. Who is Charlie Pride?
And the Winner?
Well that depends on the votes of you out there.
Trrrr trrrr trrr tapping of fingernails waiting for your votes to come in for some asshole or loser or other.
BING time up.
And the Results Are:
George Jones won, as was predictable from the start.
Piet and Tonny Kamper get Special Award just for not doing "Green Green Grass of Home" in a "Green Green Grass of Home" competition, and for doing it so well.